Lover's Moon
by poetryismyfirstlove
Summary: <html><head></head>AU Modern. They met under a lover's moon and years later Peeta hopes that Katniss is waiting for him.</html>
1. new moon

_There's a lover's moon tonight  
>As I look back over my shoulder<em>

I was looking out from the terrace of the house I just inherited from my grandparents, getting a pristine view of the lake and surrounding area.

Nothing much has changed except maybe me.

The moon shines bright tonight. I feel nostalgia grab me as I look at the night sky.

It's a lover's moon tonight just like the first time I met her.

_I was like any typical person who grew up in the city. I wouldn't get lost in a mall or be scared of dark alleys. I consider the traffic noise and smog as part of the city environment with the cars and people as the inhabitants. And more than the moon and stars it's the neon lights I am most attracted to at night._

_But the summer after my graduation from college, my parents decided to send me to my grandparents in the countryside._

_The countryside?! WTF! Were they planning on killing me with boredom? No internet, no cable, no mall, no clubs. Come on! I needed my entertainment._

_I was complaining all of these to my parents when my father as wise as he would want me to think, told me "Peeta, consider this vacation as an exercise to learn simplicity and appreciate nature. Who knows if you might learn from it? And besides your grandpa is already expecting you tomorrow."_

_That seals the deal then. _

_Grandpa Mellark is a formidable man even in his old age. He runs a grape vineyard and winery in the countryside. He expected my father to follow his footsteps being the only son, but my father took up law instead. And as the first-born grandson in our family and as a way for my father to make amends, I was named after him. And so most likely, my grandpa thinks I'm his heir._

_Hell! I don't know the first thing about planting grapes. I don't even have an interest in how to make wine except to drink them. And I don't like being forced what to do. I'm not ready for this responsibility. Besides, the countryside sounds so lame, I could already hear the crickets._

_I packed my bags under protest and slept that night fretfully dreading being stuck in no man's land also known as loserville._

_._

_._

_._

_The countryside was so full of trees and the climate seemed colder, the air smelled like grass and I could actually hear birds chirping. It was weird and different from what I grew up in. Everything just looked green and brown._

_Upon reaching my grandparents' house, I was amazed that it was situated atop a hill and that it overlooks the vineyard. I was also surprised that the house was huge. We've been here before when I was a kid but somehow I don't have any clear memory of it._

_I was greeted immediately by my grandparents while my stuff was collected by the helpers to be brought to my room._

_"__Oh my! Our little Peeta has grown. And what a handsome boy you've become. I can't wait to introduce you to some of the girls here" Grandma Mellark gushed._

_"__It's near harvest time. We could use your help and it would be good if you could learn the tricks in the business." Grandpa Mellark said._

_WTF! I haven't settled in and they are already talking about girls and work. I don't mind flirting with the ladies, but work? You've got to be kidding me._

_Grandpa gave me a tour of the land. We went to the vineyard then to the winery. He also pointed out that there was a lake beyond the trees bordering his land where I could go to swim if I wanted to. Yeah right, like I would._

_._

_._

_._

_It was night time and I couldn't sleep. Ironically, the owl hoots and crickets aren't helping. I'm used to do sound of traffic and blaring horns. I went outside the house to grab some air and pass time. Seriously, there was nothing to do that I could think of. Even the cellphone connection here sucks and I couldn't get hold of my friends. _

_I looked up at the sky and I was again amazed how different the sky is here from the city. I have never seen so many stars and the moon looked bright and glowing. I was pondering how beautiful it looked when I heard someone speak behind me._

_"__Lover's moon." Grandpa Mellark said._

_"__What?" I repeated, thinking I misheard him._

_"__It's a lover's moon tonight. When the moon is bright, it's perfect for lovers' trysts and walks in the woods." _

_"__That's old-fashioned. Back in the city, I could flirt, hook up and break up with any girl just by texting. Who needs the moon?" I said._

_"__It's the power of the romantic mood. Also the old folks believe that lovers who swear by the moon, and are blessed by the moon goddess will have a lasting love. It worked for me with your grandma." He said and winked at me._

_Seriously, this old man was creeping me out. I decided, what the hell, and try the lake. I told grandpa that I'll maybe take a dip in the lake and come back later._

_._

_._

_._

_Upon reaching the lake, the moon was reflected on its surface, disturbed only by the ripples of waves. I was half-tempted to dip in but I reminded myself that the water could be infested. So I sat on a log on the banks watching over the lake and the reflected moon._

_Suddenly, I heard a splashing noise as a girl emerged from the lake, walking towards the shore. _

_I have no words to describe her. She was perfect. And if I would believe Grandpa's story she'd have to be the moon goddess or probably some other deity. I haven't seen any girl like her with unearthly beauty and skin that glows as if illuminated. She was wearing her nightdress which now clung to her like second skin from being wet._

_I felt my breath catch and my heart race. I was frozen to my spot and could not move._

_She reached the shore and seemed to have noticed me._

_I suddenly felt warmth on my cheeks as she stared at me with eyes like silver. I haven't experienced blushing in front of a girl before. And I was lucky it was dark._

_"__Who are you?" she asked._

_"__I'm P-Peeta" I said stammering. Hell! I haven't stammered or even act flustered in front of a girl before. _

_"__I'm Katniss." She introduced herself._

_"__Nice to meet you" I said, mentally slapping myself. Was this the effect of staying in the countryside? I've only been here a day and I've already lost my swagger._

_"__Nice to meet you too." she said as she walked away to the other side of the woods._

_Before I could lose sight of her and before I lose my courage, I asked her a very important question. "Will I see you again?"_

_"__Depends." She said, shrugging her shoulders._

_"__On what?" I asked, thinking she was playing hard to get._

_"__The moon." she answered over her shoulder before disappearing into the woods._


	2. waxing crescent

_During the day, I would help grandpa in the vineyard and try to learn the ropes of the business. _

_I met with his staff and the workers, the dealers and the business partners. I would study how the grapes were grown and how they were processed and fermented to make wine._

_I was very busy during the day but at night I am still very much preoccupied. Since that incident Katniss would not leave my mind. _

_It has been 3 days but she has not been back. I was losing hope whether she was real or whether I just invented her out of my imagination. _

_What did she mean when she said it depends on the moon? Was she playing with me? Maybe she was just a tourist and has left the countryside or maybe it was her way of rejecting me. _

_Maybe I just dreamt about her, after all, why would someone as pretty as her stay in a place like this?_

_Or maybe she's really some form of deity, a moon goddess. Heck! I think I'm being crazy already. All the crap my grandpa said is getting to me._

_I was looking at the moon trying to solve its mystery along with my mystery girl when I felt the urge to swim. Maybe swimming will do me good and clear my thoughts._

_I peeled off my shirt and entered the water. The water felt cool and fresh against my skin. I have only made a few laps when I heard a splash behind me._

_"__Who's there?" I asked. I wasn't scared or anything but since the nights I've been here I haven't seen anyone come here at night except Katniss. I couldn't be too sure, after all this is the countryside, weird things could happen here._

_"__Forgot about me?" Someone said._

_I spun around and saw Katniss a few feet behind me. How could I forget her, when she's been popping in my mind constantly?_

_ "__Katniss, you're back!" I blurted out excitedly. I mentally slapped myself. Way to go Peeta! Now she'd think you're needy._

_"__She's lovely tonight." She said almost wistfully, looking at the moon._

_"__Yeah." I breathed out looking at her instead of the moon. She looked like a water nymph in her nightdress._

_Then she dove into the lake and swam a few strokes before resurfacing a few feet in front of me and splashed me with some water before laughing. _

_We started to play around, splashing each other with water and laughing at each other. When we've had enough, we swam a few laps._

_After a while we got tired and she started to swim to shore. _

_"__Will I see you again?" I asked. I was dreading her answer. What if I had to depend on the moon again?_

_"__Tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow." She said before she disappeared into the woods._


	3. first quarter

_All the stars are shining bright  
>Just like the nights when I used to hold her<br>She's out there somewhere under the lover's moon_

_It was our third meeting by the lake at night. After getting tired of swimming, we sat at the log by the bank watching the moon. I wanted to get to know her better and I decided it was a good opportunity to ask her._

_"__Why do I only I see you at night?"_

_"__Because I only come here at night." She said, pointing out the obvious._

_"__I mean, how come I don't see you around?" _

_"__I usually keep to myself." She admitted._

_"__Where are you during daytime?" _

_"__At home." She answered._

_"__What do you do?" I asked again._

_"__So many questions." She said evasively, pouting her lips. Right then and there I would have kissed her._

_A gust of wind blew and she shivered from the cold. I sat closer to her draping my arm over her shoulder. It was good that she did not push me away. She must really be cold because she leaned into me further._

_We sat side by side not speaking again, sharing each others' warmth, looking only at the moon._

_I felt happy and complete, having her beside me. She was my goddess and I was completely under her spell. _


	4. waxing gibbous

_Lover's moon won't you shine on me  
>I'm dancing with a memory<em>

_On our next meeting, I decided to surprise her. I set up a picnic dinner by the lake. I spread a blanket and lit some candles. I even got us some of the wine we were testing and some snacks._

_"__Oh! What is this for?" She asked as she sat beside me. _

_"__Tonight's special. We're on a date" I said._

_"__Well I didn't agree." She countered._

_"__Surprise!?" I answered lamely._

_"__But I don't like surprises." She said. This time I know she was teasing me._

_"__Dance with me?" I asked._

_"__But I don't know how to." She said._

_"__Come here, I'll teach you."  
><em>

_She stood close to me as I took her hand and placed my other hand on her waist and her other hand was draped over my shoulder._

_"__But there's no music." _

_"__So I'll hum and we'll dance along."  
><em>

_We danced to my improvised humming. But really I think it was my heart beating out loud._

_"__This is nice." She said. "Nobody has ever asked me to dance before." _

_"__Then I'm honored to be your first dance." _

_"__Actually, nobody has ever approached me before." She said sadly._

_I held her closer to me and like the really cool guy I am, my feelings for her just slipped from my mouth._

_"__I like you." _

_She was initially surprised by my confession then I saw a brief hint of a smile but then just as quickly, her eyebrows were furrowed and her forehead were in knots. _

_"__No you don't." She said as she pushed me away from her._

_"__How could you know how I feel? It's true. I really do like you." I said._

_"__We were getting along well as friends. We we're having fun. Please don't do this, Peeta" She said looking away from me._

_"__How can you say that? I can still be your friend even if I like you." _

_"__You're not supposed to like me. No one should." She said almost like a warning._

_"__Stop pushing me away" I said, trying to reason with her._

_"__You don't even know me. How could you like me?" She said in exasperation._

_"__Because I just do!" I said._

_"__I wish it were that simple" She said with a sigh._

_"__It is. What is there not to like about you? You're kind and innocent and beautiful. You're beautiful in the way that the word beautiful was meant for. You make my heart go crazy just by being with you." I said._

_"__Others don't see it that way." She said._

_Maybe it's the reason why she was always by herself. Because no one wants to get to know her. _

_"__I'm not like them. I'll get to know you. I'll meet you everyday so I could learn all about you if you'd let me." I said, letting her feel my sincerity._

_"__What if you don't like what you find out about me?" She asked with caution._

_"__That's impossible. You're perfect." _

_"__No one's perfect." She said._

_"__Then I wouldn't care." I said._

_"__Please don't say things you wouldn't keep." She said._

_"__Trust me." I said and I meant it._

_"__I'm not sure Peeta." She said, looking doubtful._

_"__Please just give me a chance to prove myself." I said._

_"__Then will you wait for me? I'll be gone for a few days." She said as she started to leave._

_"__Then I'll wait for you. I'll always be here waiting." I said._

_"__And Peeta?" She called before she entered her side of the woods._

_"__I like you too." She said shyly before disappearing._


	5. full moon

_The nights without her made me almost go crazy. I missed her a lot. I don't know how but she became as indispensable to me like breathing. I needed her. _

_In just a short amount of time, I have fallen completely and helplessly in love with her._

_When she came back, it was as if this big cloud hanging over me was lifted. Truthfully, I was relieved. I thought that she'd never come back. Why would she want someone like me? Next to a goddess like her, I feel like a mere mortal._

_"__Hey Peeta!" She greeted as she approached me at our meeting place by the lake._

_"__I thought you were never going back." I said with relief._

_"__I always stay true to my words. How could you say that? Besides, I was afraid that you'd be the one to break your promise." She said quite hurt._

_"__I'd never do that to you. And I'm sorry if I thought of you that way. I just feel insecure sometimes, like how perfect you are and how imperfect I am. I thought that you deserved someone better than me. Do you know how much of a goddess I think you are? And that next to you, I feel inconsequential?" I explained truthfully._

_She looked at me thoughtfully before she opened her mouth to speak._

_"__I feel uncomfortable with you calling me a goddess. You could never be more wrong Peeta. If there was anyone who is more flawed between us that would be me. You see me as someone I'm not. I'm weak and frail just like everybody else, maybe even more so. And don't belittle yourself that way. You're the best person I have met so far, outside my family. I've always felt I was nothing but you made me feel like I could be something more."_

_I felt reassured with her kind words for me but the way she talks about herself is painful for me. I wonder what it was that made her insecure of herself. If only she could see herself through my eyes then she would know what I mean. "You may not see it now but someday you'd understand what I was talking about."_

_To me she was already something and more._

_The nights that passed with Katniss were some of the best in my life. We'd spend hours by the lake under the moon talking about anything and everything. _

_I mostly do the talking while she just listened. She loved listening to my stories about my friends, the things I did, where I've been. _

_Little by little, she was opening up to me. She told me how she used to live in the city until she lost her father and sister when she was 10 when they had a car accident then her mother when she was 12, how she grew up with her grandparents on a house on the other side of the lake, how she was homeschooled because she became wary of people, how she felt most free when she would come by the lake at night. But she never told me why._

_Still every once in a while she'd tell me she'd be gone for a few days. I never pried why. All that mattered to me then was that she'd always come back for me._

_We've gotten closer as much as two people could emotionally. But I was physically aching for her as well._

_When we'd swim or frolic in the lake, my eyes are always tempted to look at her. My hands are even more so tempted to always touch her skin. I've already kissed her a couple of times, but they were always chaste and short, as she would pull away when she feels that I'm becoming aggressive. I don't how long we'll keep this tension between us. But I could feel my restraint breaking._

_So I decided to be honest with my intentions. When we met at the lake after she'd been gone a few days, I was ready. _

_Just like my first confession with her, I prepared us a picnic by the lake. This time I bought a small cd player and played us a song from my grandparents' collection. Moonriver filled the air as I took her hand and held her in my arms to dance._

_I already made preparations and bought her a ring. It was white gold with a square cut diamond. It was simple and elegant, just like her. _

_When the dance ended, I took the ring form my pocket and went down on my knee._

_"__The first time I met you, you took my breath away and since then I've had trouble breathing. I need you like I need air. You give meaning to the word beautiful that just standing in your presence is enough for me. I know this might seem sudden and I might not be making the best sense right now but it's what I feel. I love you Katniss. I love you with all my heart has to offer. There will never be another girl for me. Will you share forever with me and marry me?"_

_Katniss was speechless as I made my proposal. Then suddenly tears were pouring from her eyes. "Get up Peeta." She said _

_Oh no! I made her cry. Was she going to reject me? I stood up anxious of what will happen next._

_"__I don't know what I did to deserve this. I've always hoped that someday, I'd find someone to love me. Thank you Peeta, I love you and I'd be happy to share forever with you." She said._

_Before I could react, she was in my arms, initiating a kiss. _

_I tried to stop myself but I couldn't. I was bursting with so much love and happiness that our kiss went on and on and deeper. And what was chaste a minute go was now consumed by madness._

_I laid her on the blanket, our lips still connected, our bodies pressed against each other. My heart was pounding fast and there were butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I stared into her eyes reflecting her own need, and she nodded a yes before she closed her eyes. I don't think I could've pulled myself away from her anyway. I felt my own desire rippling through me, a fire I could not put out. _

_Have you ever watched a paper burn? The flames licking from the edges until it spreads throughout, turning everything into a raging blaze. The paper dancing and twisting as it burns. The heat palpable and addicting as it smoulders until the fire dies down leaving ashes and lingering warmth._

_Under a canopy of stars and the moonlight upon us, I loved her._


	6. waning gibbous

_It's been a month since I proposed to her. And I'm still finding the courage to tell my grandparents about it then my parents later. I don't how they will react._

_I cornered my grandfather one time, as we were touring the vineyard._

_"__Grandpa? Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone at first sight." I asked._

_"__Sure, that's how I fell for your grandma. It was harvest time and there was a party that night. The moon was full and bright and then I saw her making her way through the crowd. I knew right away she was the one." He stopped in the middle of his recollection then looked over at me. "Why are you asking anyway?" _

_"__Would it surprise you if I say I am in a similar situation?" I asked tentatively._

_"__Of course not! This is good news! All Mellarks fall in love hard and once only. Tell me who is the lucky girl?" Grandpa asked excitedly._

_"__Katniss Everdeen." _

_"__Everdeen you say?" I saw my grandfather's face fell._

_"__Yes." A horrible knot was forming in my stomach. _

_"__How did you meet her?" He asked._

_"__By the lake that night of my first day, and almost every night since then." I answered._

_"__Oh I see." Was all my grandpa could say._

_"__She's beautiful and nice and you'll like her if you get to know her" I said defensively. _

_ "__You can't Peeta. I'd be happy if it were any other girl, but not her. She is indeed beautiful as I've already met her once. I know her family. We did business with her family before. And the things I know are not good. I don't know if you know the truth." _

_"__Nothing will change my mind about her. I love her and I've asked her to marry me." I said._

_"__I forbid it." Grandpa said._

_"__You seem to forget something grandpa. Weren't you the one who told me that Mellarks fall hard and once only?" I reasoned._

_"__This is utter madness. You'd only end up hurting each other!" Grandpa said in frustration._

_"__Maybe. But I trust that the same way you and grandma were blessed by the moon that Katniss and I will be blessed too." I said. _

_I know I'm bordering on the crazy relying on the old folktale my grandpa once told me. But I had to convince him and maybe myself that things will work out._

_Grandpa looked at me shaking his head. Was it resignation or disappointment? _

_"__Give it some time Peeta. Think of this carefully. When you're really sure, then I'll help you talk to your parents and your grandma."_

_I nodded my head. It was all that I could ask from grandpa. _

_Katniss and I met again by the lake at night. And I decided to tell her that I've already talked to my grandpa._

_"__He told me to think about it." I said._

_"__And what do you think?"_

_"__That I don't have to think about it" _

_She was quiet with her head looking down and I could feel that something was troubling her._

_"__Why what's wrong tell me?" I said._

_"__Do you remember a month ago when we…?" She began awkwardly and fidgeting as she kept her words hanging._

_Of course how could I forget? I was tempted to kiss her looking so cute flustered._

_"__Well, in the natural progression of things, such an act usually leads to a certain outcome…" _

_I was hanging on to each word she said apparently lost. She looked up at me her eyes wide and fearful. What could she be afraid of? _

_At the back of my mind, a lecture on sex education reverberated in my ears. Sex usually leads to 2 things. The first being STDs which I'm very sure was not our case and Oh God! I thought as understanding dawned on me._

_I looked at her flat tummy then back up her face. I put one hand on her tummy and my other hand cupped her face. I smiled just before I kissed her, trying to erase all her fears away._

_I wasn't scared like how I would imagine it before if it happened to me. I felt my heart expanding, filled with love for the girl I am kissing and the life beginning inside her._


	7. last quarter

_With a baby on the way, it was not so difficult to convince grandpa then eventually grandma to get married. The news though shocking to my parents was not entirely unwelcome. They thought it would make me more responsible and mature. Her grandparents seemed happy but worried though._

_I'm not sure. All I know is that I love the both of them, Katniss and our baby._

_After the wedding, we stayed at my grandparents. I was working full-time for grandpa getting ready to take on the business. Katniss was busy getting doted over by my grandmother and mother when she would come to visit. They were dishing out motherhood tips and giving advice on food to eat and vitamins to drink. Her grandparents would also visit to check on her._

_At night when it's just the two of us, I'd rest my head over her growing belly, waiting for the baby to move and whisper how much I love him/her and his/her mother and that I couldn't wait to meet him/her._

_Katniss seems touched by this although she always seemed to be stressed. I could tell by her sighs and how her eyes would cloud over when we talk about the baby but I figured it must be the anxiety of her first pregnancy. After all, we would be first time parents._

_It wasn't until in her sixth month of pregnancy when her ultrasound results showed that we were having a girl that things started to unravel. _

_I could just picture our baby like a little Katniss and I was all smiles while we were on the way home when I noticed that she was too quiet. She hasn't spoken a word since we've been to the doctor. I looked at her and she was silently crying. _

_"__Hey, what's the matter? Aren't you happy we have a daughter?" I asked._

_"__What if I'm not a good mother? What if our baby hates me?" She asked._

_I don't know if her hormones were making her emotional or if she was actually serious but I did my best to reassure her. _

_"__Our baby would never hate you. She's part me and I love you. And she's part you, which is good and beautiful. I know you'll be a good mother to her because she's part me and you love me and you'll never let anything harm her. And she's part you so you will love her more than your life."_

_"__That just worries me more." She said._

_"__Which part?" I asked perplexed._

_"__That she has a part of me." _

_I thought she was just being silly. "I'm sure she has the best of you and me" I said._

_We were patiently waiting until it was time. Katniss seemed about ready to pop and each day her contractions were becoming frequent._

_The baby's room was ready in hues of pink and yellow but we were still undecided on her name. We were trying to pick out names in a baby book when Katniss announced that her water broke._

_I collected our stuff as calmly as I could and headed for the hospital. We were attended to right away and she was whisked to the delivery room. After what seemed like 6 hours of nervous pacing outside with my parents and grandparents and her grandparents, the doctor came out and told us we could see her and the baby. _

_My first sight of them brought me bliss. She was nursing our baby bundled in a pink blanket. Our little angel looked exactly as I pictured her, a miniature Katniss except for my blue eyes._

_I never felt more blessed than at that time. So I thought maybe I owed the moon._

_._

_._

_._

I was cut from my reverie when I heard someone calling me.

"Daddy!" Luna was calling me.

"What is it, sweeheart?" I asked.

"Look what I found by the lake this afternoon." She said showing me an algae covered object.

I took the object from her and peeled off the algae. It was a gold ring. Even without looking at the inscription, I knew who it belonged to.

"Daddy, who is Katniss and why do you heart her?" My daughter asked.

"She was someone very special to daddy." I replied.

"More special than Mommy?" she asked again with a frown on her face.

"Both are equally special to me." I said to appease my daughter.

"If both are special to you then can I meet Katniss?" She asked again.

"Maybe someday" I said.

"Okay, so why was Katniss special?" She asked again, continuing our earlier conversation.

"Because she was pretty just like you." I said.

"How about my Mommy, can I meet her too? Is she pretty?"

This is the first time my daughter asked about her mother. Ever since she was 3 months old she has grown under the care of my mother and grandma.

"Other kids in my class tease me saying I have no Mommy. I want to meet her. Please, please?" She pleaded.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. But you do receive her letters and cards right?" I said.

"But it's not the same as having her around." She said forlornly.

"Not at the moment, but in time, when she's ready" I assured my daughter.

"When is that?" She asked not contented with my answer.

"Soon." I said.


	8. waning crescent

_Wish I may, I wish I might  
>Have one last chance to hold her tight<em>

_I was so focused on the business and the baby that I did not notice I was losing Katniss._

_First it started out with her always sleeping, not wanting to get out of bed. We all thought she was just tired. But then even everyday stuff like bathing and eating were suddenly too much for her. Oftentimes she'd stare out at empty space not noticing anything. She would even ignore the baby even as it cried and cried for her milk. _

_My mother and grandmother were worried. It was not uncommon that some mothers suffer from postpartum blues after giving birth but Katniss was starting to scare us._

_Her grandparents came and saw her. It was only then that I understood everything._

_Her mother's side of the family had a history of suffering from depression. After her father and sister died in a car accident, her mother spiralled into depression and committed suicide two years later. Katniss herself was not spared from depression when her father and sister died. She would have fits of nightmares about them burning alive. Her mother's depression and suicide made a bigger impact on her because of the rumors that went on so she withdrew from everyone and tried to hurt herself as well. _

_They took her in. She was then home-schooled and started seeing a psychiatrist and was taking her meds regularly. She improved but would get occasional relapses related seemingly with the cycles of the moon. Her doctor says it was common for people to have their mental and emotional states be affected by the moon. But still she was wary of people and the only time she ever felt free to be herself was at night by the lake. _

_When she first met me and told them, they were concerned but then they saw how for the first time she was acting like a normal girl, so they gave in. It was the first they've seen her truly happy in years but they had misgivings whether I was serious. When they learned I proposed even without the baby yet and without knowing about her condition, they understood that I love her._

_But because of the pregnancy, Katniss has stopped taking her meds. She has been fighting her depression by sheer will and love for our baby. There have been days when she was pregnant that she would doubt herself but she would always pull through. And perhaps now, the struggle has finally taken a toll on her psyche._

_Learning about this, I finally understood what she meant that day but I still could not accept it. She wasn't weak and frail as she said she was; she's a lot stronger than she thinks. Her flaws don't detract from her beauty; they enhance it. She was not nothing; she was my everything. And she was still the same goddess I saw by the lake._

_It wasn't until our daughter was almost three months old when Katniss had a lucid reprieve. She asked me to go by the lake like we used to. Encouraged by her seemingly normal self, I agreed. _

_We sat on the log by the lake just like before; only this time something wasn't right. She was eerily quiet and was maintaining her gaze on the lake. I was unsure how to start the conversation scared that I might say something wrong and set her off again. But then she was the first to speak up._

_"__Do you still love me, Peeta?" She asked. _

_"__There is no still, I love you, now and always." I answered immediately, reassuring her._

_"__Then you'd do anything if I asked you to?" She asked._

_I was willing to do anything as long as she gets better. "Anything."_

_"__Then would you let me go?" She asked, turning to look at me. _

_She had this haunted look in her eyes, like anytime she expects the depression to creep in before she could make out what she wanted to say. And maybe it would but I also see that this was difficult for her. Her eyes were already tearing up._

_"__Why?" I asked, hurt that she has thought of leaving me and our daughter; my thought of doing anything for her forgotten._

_"__Because I love you and I love her." She said._

_"__If you love us then please stay. Stay with me, with us" I begged. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes._

_"__It's because I love the both of you that I can't stay. You've seen how I've been Peeta. I don't want our daughter to grow up seeing me like that. She deserves a mother who could fully love her, who is present mentally and emotionally. What if one day I hurt her? Maybe you'd forgive me but I could never forgive myself Peeta." She reasoned._

_There wasn't anything wrong with her reasoning. Only that I needed her with me and with our daughter. We were just starting to become a family and suddenly it would be taken away from us. "I can't. I'm sorry I can't" _

_"__My minds made up. I'm leaving in an hour. I've already fixed it with my doctor. Please don't make this any harder for me than it already is. Just remember I'm doing this for the both of you." She said._

_ "__Will you come back?" I asked. This will be the only thing left I'll ask of her._

_"__Depends if I get better, until I'm stronger and able to face the both of you, when I could be your wife and her mother." She said._

_I did not want to think that all was lost between us. "But what if I try to find you?" I asked._

_She then took off her ring and threw it in the lake. "You won't find me. I'll see to that. Like how my ring is lost in the lake, I'll try my best to hide. And if you find someone else, I'll understand."_

_"__That will never happen." I promised. I just knew it._

_She smiled a little from my show of loyalty. "Then let me be alone for a while. When I'm a little better, I promise to write to you."_

_"__You know this is painful for me right?" I said, wanting her to understand how deep I'm letting myself go._

_"__I know." She confirmed._

_"__And I'm only letting you go because I love you." I have lost control of my tears, allowing them to fall freely._

_She nodded. "Will you wait for me?" She asked, standing up to leave._

_"__You already know the answer." I said, standing up to hold her one last time before I let her go. _


	9. blue moon

_There's a lover's moon tonight  
>Shining down on half of this world<br>So many souls are in its light  
>But for me there is just one girl<em>

_Time. _

_How much time has passed since I lost her? __Days have become weeks then months turning into years._

_But did I really lose her? __One day she just disappeared as if she never existed._

_She wrote back when Luna turned 1 and every birthday she had since then. During Christmas she'd send cards for her and for me and sometimes when she feels like it she'll send me letters with anecdotes of how was her day like or her thoughts that she wanted me to know. How she'd spend her nights staring at the moon because it reminded her of our better days and how it gave her comfort that somewhere I was standing under the same sky looking at the same moon._

_I have never looked at another woman again aside from Katniss. She wrote to me once that if I wanted a divorce, I should file one. But I didn't want to and I didn't want her thinking I'd already given up her. I was as serious in our marriage as I did the day I married her. And I meant it when I told her I'll always wait for her._

_Our daughter Luna still doesn't know about her illness but I intend to when she gets old enough to understand. I can't hide the truth from her forever. For now her idea of her Mommy is someone far away, who writes to her on her birthdays and Christmas, a person she prays for before she goes to sleep. Someone she still has to meet in person because the stories just aren't enough anymore._

Like her, I spend my nights staring at the moon. I was thinking of her now more than ever, wondering if she's doing the exact thing. I was holding on to the ring my daughter found that afternoon. To think Katniss said it would be lost but seems all lost things are found eventually. All that was needed is time.

I decided to go down to the lake for old times' sake. I rarely visit there anymore since Katniss left. Too many memories of her were there and they still felt raw and painful. But tonight something feels different as if the moon was pulling me there.

I was approaching the log where we used to sit and saw a figure of a woman sitting there illuminated by the moon, staring out at the lake seemingly waiting for someone.

I approached cautiously thinking it was just my imagination. I rubbed my eyes, and she was still there. This was odd to me since no one goes out here at night not since me and her. Unless...

She turned to me as if she knew I was there. My heart almost leaped from the confines of my chest. I ran to her and hugged her tight.

"You came back!" I managed to choke out, dazed and overcome with happiness.

"Didn't I tell you I always stay true to my words?" She said, almost chiding me, but returning my hug equally tight.

We held each other tightly. No one wanting to let go first. Words eluded us but we understood each other perfectly.

"I waited." _I was lonely and I missed you._

"I know." _I'm sorry it took so long and thank you. You didn't have to but you did. I missed you too._

"You're really here." _Thank you for doing all you could to get back to me, to come home to us. _

I broke from the hug and took a good look at her, hardly believing it myself. I took her hand and squeezed it gently. I took the ring from my pocket and slipped it on her finger.

Her eyes widened in recognition before she broke into a small smile.

I looked at her with all the tenderness and yearning I have saved up for her. "I love you." _Stay with me._

"You already know the answer." She said as she closed the gap between us.

Before our lips touched, I heard her whisper. The same one I promised her.

"Always." _I love you too and I'm here to stay._


End file.
